How to Survive the Dreaded 9-month Growth Spurt with Dignity

Credit: Herakut, via StreetArtNews

Most parents have heard of growth spurts as being a hellish period, however, many like myself had no idea that what other parents were referring to was actually the glorious 9-months rite-of-passage that most babies will encounter. My son, Noah, hit this milestone over a week ago and it truly was a very trying period. Of course, as a student acting as a single parent during the week, my assignments took the high road--and so did this blog (sorry)--and a week has passed where I have been trying to get back on board. So, what I'm trying to say is this... the week of and the week after the growth spurt, you will NOT sleep. Nada. Not only will you not sleep, but you will also be exhausted, frustrated, and even discouraged.

In my desperate circumstances, I reached out to family and friends for their advice. Although all advice came from a loving place and a deep concern for my well-being as a mother, very little were in line with attachment parenting principles. Some suggested he sleep in a crib, and others advised to let him cry it out. As most AP parents know, these suggestions would mean going against what we value as parents--responding to our children's needs. This suggestion is what led me to write this post, so you can have some gentle advice on how to "survive" the dreaded 9-month growth spurt with grace, holding onto whatever dignity you may still have as a parent.

So, with love, here are my tips on how to get through the days, weeks, or even month that most parents dread:

1. Stay Humble.

I get it. You are supermom. (Or, superdad!) All that is mighty falls onto your shoulders, and you are ready to carry it all for as long as it is needed. But then, things go awry, something is offbeat, and who do you blame? Yourself, of course, and all hell breaks loose. It's okay.

Yes, supermom, it is okay to feel down, to feel exhausted, to hate the world for a moment. But, supermom, remember this: it is not your fault! You saw a problem, tended to it, and "failed" to fix it. As such, guilt overwhelmed you. Stop debasing yourself. Your child will always, at one moment or another, have issues that you cannot "fix." As difficult as it is to see our babies suffer, there is not always a remedy. Instead, you will simply have to be there for comfort and support, to help them get through it, and watch as time heals all wounds. 

So, stay humble. You are only human. You are full of love, and please use this gift to nurture and comfort your little one(s).

2. Breathe.

Credit: theyallhateus

Sometimes, it is so easy to get caught up with our busy parenting lives that we forget the most basic form of human survival: breathing. Right at this moment, analyze your breathing. Is it quick and heavy, or is it slow and quiet? When we are in a rush, our adrenaline kicks in and our breathing pattern quickens to get our hearts pumping. When we are calm, our breathwork follows suit, where we take one full, deep inhale before exhaling completely, and repeat. 

As I held Noah during his afternoon nap, where he never really slept and mostly cried out of sheer exhaustion, I checked my breathing and noticed that it was quite laboured, as though I ran a marathon (not that I've ever participated in a marathon, but... I could have! Or not, but... you know, stressed is dessert spelled backwards!) That's when I decided to relax and simply breathe. 

This blog post is about how to survive the 9-month growth spurt, and seeing as breathing is an essential element to surviving *anything*.... just effin' breathe, woman!

3. Be Compassionate. 

Be compassionate with your baby.

It's difficult not getting tied up in the moment and begin resenting your baby for demanding so much of yourself. It truly is. Unless you're a goddess or something, in which case, I hate you. But, remember this: "the kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways." Our babies really and truly need us, to understand them and to comfort them, as this is a very difficult time for them. They are in constant pain, they are extremely tired and exhausted as well. And, remember, this is all new to them, just as life in general is, so this is an unbelievable feat for their tiny bodies. Have some empathy and go to them with love and support. Don't walk away.

Be compassionate with your partner.

Yeah, I'm definitely guilty of this one. I can't be mad at my baby. I can be annoyed, sure. I have been resentful. But, in those moments, I remind myself to be compassionate (see above.) And then, I turn around and see... Dada. Oh, you girls know where I'm going with this. When your babe wants you, and only you, either from habit, or from nursing, or simply because he was, eum... I dunno... IN YOU, for like 9-ish months, and you feel like nothing is getting accomplished, you have no independence, and you're simply exhausted, the last person on the planet that you would like to see is the other parent, relaxed as can be, having a good ol' time doing [insert (in)action here]--in my case, coming back home from an evening dinner at a hunting auction. Bless his poor little heart. Mama bear is out, and she's hungry.

Now, I want to add that I totally sympathize with the dads out there where this situation is reversed! I feel ya, really! I'm only being biased. But, in either case, we have to remember to be *compassionate!* Tearing apart your partner because he wasn't or couldn't be there during the moment of crisis will not help remedy the situation. Ladies, give the man a break! (Or, vice-versa.) 

So, when you are about to face him/her, remember step 2. BREATHE!

Be compassionate with yourself.

This is probably the most important step in this entire process, as your well-being is the foundation for your actions. When we let go and forgive ourselves for what we cannot change, or for simply being too damn tired and too damn human, this is when we can allow ourselves to breathe (step 2) and be humble (step 1.) Love yourself more than you think you deserve (because you really, actually, do deserve it,) and your journey through this phase will be much smoother.

3. Nevermind the world around you (a.k.a. other responsibilities.)

Credit: SweetLittlePeanut/

Seriously. I know they say to sleep when the baby sleep, but who really does that? I know I didn't, and much to my own detriment, but that's a whole other blog post. This is kind of the same advice, except you won't really have much of a choice anyway, at least not in the AP world. As already said in the beginning paragraph, I'm a student and acting as a single mom during the week as my partner works away. In other words, I have hot deadlines and no down time. My space got messy, the dishes and laundry piled up, and I ate a lot of carbs and whatever else I could shovel down and use as fuel (somehow, I made it without coffee, though. Weird.) My assignments were not handed in on time and I missed a class (however, my professors, who know all too well the world of parenthood, are amazing and were able to empathize with my situation.) It then took over another week of sleepless nights to get back on track.

And, yes, there were tears--many, many tears and profound guilt. Also, I basically lived in PJs, with my hair tied back, and I may or may not have missed a night or two of brushing my teeth... and four days of not showering? Sound familiar? Yeah, it's almost as bad, if not worse, as the newborn stage. At least it was for me, then again, I was on my own for this while my partner sat in another city feeling guilty and lonely--one, for not being able to be there, and two, because I was too busy caring for our son, and Noah was too busy... well, growing, that we could not Skype or communicate much.

Point  is, folks, you just have to let go. The 9-month growth spurt is a painful one (at least it was for Noah) and it is an urgent situation, in which comforting your child becomes the most important responsibility, not whatever else. Your other responsibilities will fall back into place shortly, I promise. And, yes, in case you're wondering, I brush my teeth and shower consistently.

4. Trust your instincts.

Credit: keepcalm-havecoffee

This is probably the overarching principle to all attachment parenting principles: your instincts. AP is about parenting according to what you feel is right (and what is right is typically choosing the most loving and nurturing options.) For example, I have always, *always*, nursed Noah to sleep, until now. When Noah simply could or would not nurse, he grew frustrated and tired. So, I tried rocking him to sleep. It worked and he had a few more hours of much needed sleep. When he woke up again, crying in pain with a fever (the most beloved symptom of the 9-month growth spurt, I'm sure...) I gave him Tylenol.

I've always been a firm believer that we should tough out some of our less harmful ailments or at least use a natural option for relief, but this time felt different. Noah was in pain, clearly, and I couldn't help but feel that he needed medicine in this moment. I did not have any natural ideas in mind or handy, so I chose to give him Tylenol. Much to my relief, and to his, of course, his pain and fever subsided, and he got even more sleep. Again, trust your instincts.

You, and only you, have seen your baby grow into who he or she is today. You have watched his every move, his every breath, his every... ok, I'm exaggerating, but you get the point, you, and only you, know your baby inside and out. Your instincts are the most trustworthy of all, so listen up, they're loud and clear.

5. Let go.

Seriously. Just let go! Everything that feels heavy at that moment, even your feelings about the situation, let it go. The main way to survive this phase is to simply let it pass, let it extinguish itself. So, for the time being, hold on, ride this bull out, and be patient. The day will soon come where your baby sleeps well, smiles, laughs, and plays again, then hunches over to give you his sweet little kisses. You've got this mama (or dada), just let go.


Now, as you have seen, I haven't given you tips on how to comfort your little dude or dudette., such as babywearing for example. The reason why is that I believe that only you as the parent knows exactly what your baby needs in that moment and this will differ greatly from one family to the next. Tips #4, trust your instincts, basically covers this. However, if you have any other tips or would like to share your "survival" experience into the 9-month growth spurt, please share and comment below! We would love to hear it! :)

xo
Kim 

When in Doubt, Dance!

credit: Ken Heyman

Earlier today, I was trying to get some work done while Noah, my 9 month old son, played with his toys. At one point, he crawled over to the couch where I sat, and tried to take my laptop. Of course, I was focused and my ideas were rolling, so my first reaction was to impulsively take it away forcefully and glare at him. He began to cry and immediately I realized what I had taught him--how to prioritize and be possessive of our belongings.

To rectify the situation, I hugged him and apologized, then proceeded to dance with him to some funky calypso music that played in the background. When I tried to have him dance in a standing position, he decided to sit down and start playing with his toys instead--probably because of my horrible dancing skills, but anyway.

Although the situation seems irrelevant in the grander scheme of things, it was still a lesson that could have turned out negatively, one taught by example. And all these little lessons are compounded into the one major example that our children adopt through time. Everyone is busy, and I know we won't always catch ourselves behaving irrationally, but when we do, remember that it may only take a minute worth your time to turn a potentially negative situation into a fond memory.

Soon thereafter, he came over to me once again. This time, I simply put the laptop aside, sat down with him and offered my breast to which he fed. As he went back to his toys, and I to my work, he began bopping to the music. I smiled and then continued to work.

Now, speaking of dancing, enjoy this hilariously cute video of a father and daughter passing time.

Introducing The AP Mom

Have you ever wondered whether or not things would get better, if they would just ease up, or if life could simply just calm down for one minute? 

Being a mom or dad is not easy. Being an attachment parenting mom or dad can feel even more daunting simply because there is much less support in our close-knit communities for the choices we make and AP moms and dads can demand more of themselves by being... well, attached. It is a lonely venture but rewarding all the same. Of course, I am speaking from my own experience as both an AP mom and a student, as well as living away from my partner during the week. Point is, I'm a little biased, but who isn't? 

My hope with this blog is to give you that much needed and much deserved support. I will be telling you about my experiences as an AP mom, as well as give advice on all things AP (and more,) such as breastfeeding, cosleeping/bedsharing, cloth diapering, babywearing, gentle parenting, simplifying your life, baby-led weaning (BLW,) and perhaps even some of my experiences with pregnancy and labour (albeit not very AP friendly, it may be a good venue to explore how one transitions to AP.) As a pre-service teacher, I may also bring out some educational qualities to my blog, especially if they relate to the environment and forest schools. This mama loves the outdoors!

Before I get too ahead of myself, though, I'd like to end here and simply wish you the best and hope you will find love and support all around you. I may not be able to physically be a part of your lives, but perhaps I can help lift you up with pure honesty and compassion.

All the way from Canada,

Love,

Kim